When you learn how to make fast, meaningful connections with people, you will improve your relationships at work and even at home. You will discover the enjoyment of being able to approach anyone with confidence and sincerity. Definitely, How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is a must read book. Here is, what I found important in the early chapter of this book.
i borrow the pic
1979 Alameda County Study by Dr. Lisa Berkman of the Harvard School of Health Sciences concluded that people who lack social and community ties are almost three times more likely to die of medical illness than those who have more extensive contacts. And all this is independent of socioeconomic status and health practices such as smoking, alcoholic beverage consumption, obesity or physical activity! Studies by the McArthur Foundation and the International Longevity Center in New York and at the University of Southern California show that people who stay socially and physically active have longer life spans. This doesn’t mean hanging out with the same old crowd and peddling around on an exercise bike. It means getting out and making new friends.
A connected community provides its members with strength and safety. When we feel strong and safe, we can put our energy into evolving socially, culturally and spiritually. Food and shelter aren’t enough. We need each other, and we need love. We need someone who influences our emotions and vital body rhythms in such a pleasurable way that we call it love. Be it through body language, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice or words alone, other people make our hard times more bearable, our good times much sweeter. We use the emotional input of other humans as much as we do the air we breathe and the food we eat. How often have you heard about one spouse in a 50-year marriage who, despite being medically healthy, dies a few short months or even weeks after the death of the other spouse? Deprive us of emotional and physical contact (a hug and a smile can go a long way), and we will wither and die just as surely as if we were deprived of food.
Among a fountain of new insights, studies revealed that everyone has a “favorite sense.” Find this sense and you have the key to unlock a person’s heart and mind. If people like you, they will be disposed to give you their time and their efforts. And the better the quality of rapport you have with them, the higher the level of their cooperation. If people like you, they feel natural and comfortable around you. They will give you their attention and happily open up for you.
Likability has something to do with how you look but a lot more to do with how you make people feel. Attitude and body language are paramount to creating a strong visual impression. There was a way of using body language and voice tone to make perfect strangers feel comfortable and cooperative. Likable people give loud and clear signals of their willingness to be sociable; they reveal that their public communication channels are open. Embedded in these signals is evidence of self-confidence, sincerity and trust. Likable people expose a warm, easygoing public face with an outgoing radiance that states, “I am ready to connect. I am open for business.” They are welcoming and friendly, and they get other people’s attention.
In the hustle and bustle of life today, we rush about with so many deadlines attached to everything that unfortunately we don’t have the time, or take the time, to invest in getting to know each other well. We look for associations, make appraisals and assumptions, and form decisions all within a few seconds and frequently before a word is even spoken. Friend or foe? Fight or flight? Opportunity or threat? Familiar or foreign? Instinctively, we assess, undress and best-guess each other. And if we can’t present ourselves fast and favorably, we run the risk of being politely, or impolitely, passed over.
The attention span of the average person is about 30 seconds. If there’s nothing fresh and exciting for it to focus on, it becomes distracted and wanders off in search of something more compelling. In face-to-face communication, it’s not enough to command the other person’s attention. You must also be able to hold on to it long enough to deliver your message or intention. You will capture attention with your likability, but you will hold on to it with the quality of rapport you establish. More and more it comes down to three things: 1) your presence, i.e., what you look like and how you move; 2) your attitude, i.e., what you say, how you say it and how interesting you are; and 3) how you make people feel.